I'm in a love/hate relationship with my bed. I love crawling into it at night, I hate leaving it in the morning.

Topics: Facebook Status Quotes, Good Morning Quotes

There is no bigger waste of time than a shower followed by huge dump.

There is no bigger waste of time than a shower followed by huge dump.

That terrible moment when you are halfway across the room with the food you just...

That terrible moment when you are halfway across the room with the food you just...

I hate driving behind log trucks, all I can think about is Final Destination...

I hate driving behind log trucks, all I can think about is Final Destination...

The awkward when you read the word 'moment' yet it wasn't even there.

The awkward when you read the word 'moment' yet it wasn't even there.

That moment of shame when you walk up to an automatic door and it doesnt...

That moment of shame when you walk up to an automatic door and it doesnt...

Find the baddest bitch and get her number I don't even call her, feel like...

Find the baddest bitch and get her number I don't even call her, feel like...

Some people might as well post 'Wants Attention' as their Facebook status.

Some people might as well post 'Wants Attention' as their Facebook status.

When I say 'I'll think about it,' what I really mean is: 'I'll forget about...

When I say 'I'll think about it,' what I really mean is: 'I'll forget about...

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks,...

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks,...

Typical Beer Pong Game: 5% playing Beer Pong. 95% chasing the ball around the room.

Typical Beer Pong Game: 5% playing Beer Pong. 95% chasing the ball around the room.

If your relationship is so complicated that you have to specify it as such on...

If your relationship is so complicated that you have to specify it as such on...

That awkward moment when your parents ask if you like anyone.

That awkward moment when your parents ask if you like anyone.

If your girlfriend gets jealous it's because she's faithful. If another girl has your attention...

If your girlfriend gets jealous it's because she's faithful. If another girl has your attention...

It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait..It's the flying f*ck I will never give.

It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait..It's the flying f*ck I will never give.

A woman can give a man a million reasons to be faithful, and he will...

A woman can give a man a million reasons to be faithful, and he will...

If I am ever in the middle of a shooting, i'll just lay on the...

If I am ever in the middle of a shooting, i'll just lay on the...

I-phone falls to the floor...breaks screen. Android falls to the floor...breaks floor.

I-phone falls to the floor...breaks screen. Android falls to the floor...breaks floor.

That awkward moment when you say 'Hey' to someone on facebook chat, and seconds later...

That awkward moment when you say 'Hey' to someone on facebook chat, and seconds later...

Every morning I wake up and thank God.

Every morning I wake up and thank God.

On Mondays, I feel like I need Coffee injected directly into my veins.

On Mondays, I feel like I need Coffee injected directly into my veins.