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If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for...

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for...

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my...

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no...

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman -...

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman -...

Absurdity is what I like most in life, and there's humor in struggling in ignorance....

Absurdity is what I like most in life, and there's humor in struggling in ignorance....

He was just trying to tease me - I knew that later - but he...

He was just trying to tease me - I knew that later - but he...

If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never...

If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never...

True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a...

True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a...

The real theater of the sex war is the domestic hearth

The real theater of the sex war is the domestic hearth