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If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my...

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to...

When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to...

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

Humanity is the keystone that holds nations and men together. When that collapses, the whole...

Humanity is the keystone that holds nations and men together. When that collapses, the whole...

If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense...

If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense...

It is a wise man who said that there is no greater inequality than the...

It is a wise man who said that there is no greater inequality than the...