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My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving...

Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving...

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for...

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down...

Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down...

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes...

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes...