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My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my...

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for...

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for...

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I think we played a great game against Germany and brought joy to ourselves and...

I think we played a great game against Germany and brought joy to ourselves and...

Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.

Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.

A professional football team warms up grimly and disparately, like an army on maneuvers: the...

A professional football team warms up grimly and disparately, like an army on maneuvers: the...

Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out...

Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out...

If violence is wrong in America, violence is wrong abroad. If it is wrong to...

If violence is wrong in America, violence is wrong abroad. If it is wrong to...