I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

Quote by Jackie Mason

Topics: Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to...

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to...

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness...

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness...

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy...

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy...

Everyone has a budget, I don't care who you are. But they said if we...

Everyone has a budget, I don't care who you are. But they said if we...

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

A budget tells us what we can't afford, but it doesn't keep us from buying...

A budget tells us what we can't afford, but it doesn't keep us from buying...

The budget is like a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, then...

The budget is like a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, then...

A low budget is uncomfortable.

A low budget is uncomfortable.

A billion here, a billion there...sooner or later it adds up to real money

A billion here, a billion there...sooner or later it adds up to real money

Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease...

Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease...

The defense budget is more than a piggy bank for people who want to get...

The defense budget is more than a piggy bank for people who want to get...

Tell Lucien I said fuck it Im tearing holes in my budget. Bag her like...

Tell Lucien I said fuck it Im tearing holes in my budget. Bag her like...

When Bill Clinton was in town, he sent over a balanced budget.

When Bill Clinton was in town, he sent over a balanced budget.

You know how much you love it when you get it in abundance. Give a...

You know how much you love it when you get it in abundance. Give a...

Every year the State will be the dog that chases its own tail... engaging in...

Every year the State will be the dog that chases its own tail... engaging in...

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Everything can be learned, including, to a very large extent, to be what you are...

Everything can be learned, including, to a very large extent, to be what you are...