Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Quote by Jackie Mason

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to...

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to...

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy...

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy...

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness...

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness...

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy...

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

It is the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which...

It is the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which...

The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the Vulcan Groin Kick, but...

The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the Vulcan Groin Kick, but...

All I know is that you love me...in my dreams.

All I know is that you love me...in my dreams.

Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.

Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.

Age is honourable and youth is noble.

Age is honourable and youth is noble.

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her

Youth is the time of getting, middle age of improving, and old age of spending.

Youth is the time of getting, middle age of improving, and old age of spending.

Tony Blair is like an actor who doesn't really believe in his script himself but...

Tony Blair is like an actor who doesn't really believe in his script himself but...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Im not really a good singer. But most people arent, either.

Im not really a good singer. But most people arent, either.

There are three periods in life: youth, middle age and how well you look.

There are three periods in life: youth, middle age and how well you look.

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket....

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket....

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives...

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives...