A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer…

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Roseanne Barr Quotes

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...