My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Women Quotes

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

I don't follow precedent, I establish it.

I don't follow precedent, I establish it.

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame...

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame...

Who ever walked behind anyone to freedom?

Who ever walked behind anyone to freedom?