My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Women Quotes

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Are we changing the idea of what beauty is? Let's hope so. I'm not the...

Are we changing the idea of what beauty is? Let's hope so. I'm not the...

The most difficult thing in the world is to start a career known only for...

The most difficult thing in the world is to start a career known only for...

However muted its present appearance may be, sexual domination obtains nevertheless as perhaps the most...

However muted its present appearance may be, sexual domination obtains nevertheless as perhaps the most...

Women's hands, heavy with diamonds, stirred coffee in tiny cups or alighted playfully on a...

Women's hands, heavy with diamonds, stirred coffee in tiny cups or alighted playfully on a...