My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Women Quotes

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.