My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Women Quotes

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

This funding from the National Endowment for the Arts has been like the Good Housekeeping...

This funding from the National Endowment for the Arts has been like the Good Housekeeping...

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting...

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting...

Wise men are not wise at all hours, and will speak five times from their...

Wise men are not wise at all hours, and will speak five times from their...