As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Roseanne Barr Quotes

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.

He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.

We live in an age when to be young and to be indifferent can be...

We live in an age when to be young and to be indifferent can be...

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the...

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the...