As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Roseanne Barr Quotes

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...