I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

Quote by Paul Lynde

Topics: Funny Quotes

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst...

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst...

If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic.

If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic.

Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're...

Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're...

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me...

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me...

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must...

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must...

When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed...

When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed...

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his...

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his...

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never...

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never...

An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better off...

An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better off...

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I...

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I...

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I...

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I...

I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I...

I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I...

I think basically an actor is a salesman.

I think basically an actor is a salesman.