I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

Quote by Paul Lynde

Topics: Funny Quotes

I don't always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I'll just serve a simple quiche, salad...

I don't always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I'll just serve a simple quiche, salad...

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me...

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me...

If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.

If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.

If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic.

If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic.

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because...

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because...

I'm Liberace without a piano.

I'm Liberace without a piano.

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!

I don't understand why people don't remember my name.

I don't understand why people don't remember my name.

When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed...

When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed...

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

If I'm not working, I don't know what to do.

If I'm not working, I don't know what to do.

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his...

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his...

A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be...

A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be...

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

I think basically an actor is a salesman.

I think basically an actor is a salesman.

I laughed all the way through Love Story.

I laughed all the way through Love Story.

I was obsessed with being rich and famous.

I was obsessed with being rich and famous.

Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.