Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

Quote by Dave Letterman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in...

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in...

To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains...

To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains...

Did you ever see an unhappy horse? Did you ever see bird that had the...

Did you ever see an unhappy horse? Did you ever see bird that had the...

I will never give in to old age until I become old. And I'm not...

I will never give in to old age until I become old. And I'm not...

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned...

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned...

Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed....

Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed....

There is something that falls short of perfection in every book, without exception, something influenced...

There is something that falls short of perfection in every book, without exception, something influenced...

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion.

You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion.

Age is opportunity no less than youth itself.

Age is opportunity no less than youth itself.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Though age from folly could not give me freedom, It does from childishness.

Though age from folly could not give me freedom, It does from childishness.

There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.

There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.

Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their...

Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their...

Keep courage. Whatever you do, do not feel sorry for yourself. You will win in...

Keep courage. Whatever you do, do not feel sorry for yourself. You will win in...

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.

Sex is the ersatz or substitute religion of the 20th Century

Sex is the ersatz or substitute religion of the 20th Century