Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

Quote by Dave Letterman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

Man reaches the highest point of lovableness at 12 to 17 - to get it...

Man reaches the highest point of lovableness at 12 to 17 - to get it...

Knowledge in youth is wisdom in age.

Knowledge in youth is wisdom in age.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the...

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the...

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.

Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.

Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come...

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come...

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose...

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose...

We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his...

We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his...

You will recognize, my boy, the first sign of age: it is when you go...

You will recognize, my boy, the first sign of age: it is when you go...

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood -- Babe, District Attorney, and Driving...

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood -- Babe, District Attorney, and Driving...

Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.

I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my...

I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my...

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an...

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an...

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion...

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion...