Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

Quote by Dave Letterman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

If you dont know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

If you dont know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

I wish women were like hockey...Only twenty minute periods.

I wish women were like hockey...Only twenty minute periods.

The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow.

The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

The chalk thing lebron does before games...isn't chalk. It's dust from his fingers being ringless.

The chalk thing lebron does before games...isn't chalk. It's dust from his fingers being ringless.

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank...

Sex is a two-way treat.

Sex is a two-way treat.

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man.

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man.

Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my...

Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my...

I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words...

I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words...

Age steals away all things, even the mind.

Age steals away all things, even the mind.

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I never drink coffee at work...mainly because it keeps me awake.

I never drink coffee at work...mainly because it keeps me awake.

Sister to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree.

Sister to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.