Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material.

Quote by Dave Letterman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Politics Quotes

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done,...

In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done,...

If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.

If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.

It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays.

It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny...

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny...

I wouldn't mind dying in a plane crash. It'd be a good way to go....

I wouldn't mind dying in a plane crash. It'd be a good way to go....

Age is not all decay; it is the ripening, the swelling, of the fresh life...

Age is not all decay; it is the ripening, the swelling, of the fresh life...

Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that called Body is a portion...

Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that called Body is a portion...

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill...

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill...

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.

Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

Our age knows nothing but reaction, and leaps from one extreme to another.

Our age knows nothing but reaction, and leaps from one extreme to another.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year....

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year....

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic...

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic...

The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have.

The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have.

Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.

Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.