Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material.

Quote by Dave Letterman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Politics Quotes

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him

Changing your life is like a diet, most people fail in the first week.

Changing your life is like a diet, most people fail in the first week.

To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.

To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.

Explore your mind, discover yourself, then give the best that is in you to your...

Explore your mind, discover yourself, then give the best that is in you to your...

They say that marijuana is an entrance to other drugs...I say it's more like an...

They say that marijuana is an entrance to other drugs...I say it's more like an...

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere...

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere...

In youth one has tears without grief; in age, griefs without tears.

In youth one has tears without grief; in age, griefs without tears.

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some useful hints for...

Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some useful hints for...

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her...

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her...

I rant, therefore I am.

I rant, therefore I am.

Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to...

Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to...

Nature is always behind the age.

Nature is always behind the age.

A girl shuld be two things classy and fabulous.

A girl shuld be two things classy and fabulous.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

In this age of crowds in which I have determined to be a solitary, perhaps...

In this age of crowds in which I have determined to be a solitary, perhaps...

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be...

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be...

What is a wife and what is a harlot? What is a church and what...

What is a wife and what is a harlot? What is a church and what...