Folks, the President needs a break. Hes like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you dont recharge his batteries, he cant suck.

Quote by Steven Colbert

Topics: Funny Quotes, People Quotes

Middle Age - Later than you think and sooner than you expect.

Middle Age - Later than you think and sooner than you expect.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.

Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.

I am, as I've said, merely competent. But in an age of incompetence, that makes...

I am, as I've said, merely competent. But in an age of incompetence, that makes...

Breasts like granite and a brain like swiss cheese.

Breasts like granite and a brain like swiss cheese.

It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than...

It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than...

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of...

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of...

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a...

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a...

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can...

The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can...

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The tassel's worth the hassle!

The tassel's worth the hassle!

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

I am of a healthy long lived race, and our minds improve with age.

I am of a healthy long lived race, and our minds improve with age.

You will find the Americans much like the Greeks found the Romans: great, big, vulgar,...

You will find the Americans much like the Greeks found the Romans: great, big, vulgar,...

The people and circumstances around me do not make me what I am, they reveal...

The people and circumstances around me do not make me what I am, they reveal...