My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Quote by Eric Morecambe

Topics: Funny Quotes, Neighbors Quotes

I'm playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

I'm playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

Together with script writers Syd green and Dick Hills, we worked on the comedy ideas...

Together with script writers Syd green and Dick Hills, we worked on the comedy ideas...

We had not had time to establish ourselves as a double act before Ernie joined...

We had not had time to establish ourselves as a double act before Ernie joined...

I am playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

I am playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course...

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course...

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in...

Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in...

Every city has a sex and an age which have nothing to do with demography....

Every city has a sex and an age which have nothing to do with demography....

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an...

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an...

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush.

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush.

Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults...

Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults...

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is...

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is...

Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that...

Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that...

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and...

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and...

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang...

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang...

One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item...

One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item...

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...