My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

I regard no man as poor who has a godly mother.

I regard no man as poor who has a godly mother.

If there was only one day allowed for someone to be recognized then that day...

If there was only one day allowed for someone to be recognized then that day...

Okay, using the dreaded middle name is not the best way to forge a bond.

Okay, using the dreaded middle name is not the best way to forge a bond.

A country that can put men on the moon can put women in the Constitution.

A country that can put men on the moon can put women in the Constitution.