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I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving...

Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving...

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away...

Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away...

One secures the gold of the spirit when he finds himself.

One secures the gold of the spirit when he finds himself.

Gold is the corpse of value...

Gold is the corpse of value...

Millions of dollars' worth of advertising shows such little respect for the reader's intelligence that...

Millions of dollars' worth of advertising shows such little respect for the reader's intelligence that...