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The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for...

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no...

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no...

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on...

The games industry is already bigger than the music industry, and it's mainly directed at...

The games industry is already bigger than the music industry, and it's mainly directed at...

The only legitimate use of a computer is to play games.

The only legitimate use of a computer is to play games.

I think the dying pray at the last not please but thank you as a...

I think the dying pray at the last not please but thank you as a...