A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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A woman without her sister is like a bird without wings

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No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

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We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

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I prefer an interesting vice to a virtue that bores

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I want to breed a dog called 'SnickerDoodle'. I've got the 'oodle' part covered

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Time spent with cats is never wasted

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When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

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If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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Keep smiling and one day Life will get tired of upsetting you

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The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

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Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

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I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast...

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If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

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