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My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex she objects.

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My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex she objects.

Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

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I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

Im great in bed, I can sleep for days.

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Im great in bed, I can sleep for days.

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her...

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A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her...

When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

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When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

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Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is "funny and...

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This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is

You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

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You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

When a baby is staring at you and their parents aren't looking

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When a baby is staring at you and their parents aren't looking

If you're good at something Never Do it for free

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If you're good at something Never Do it for free

If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.

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If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

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We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

I think about you everyday.

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I think about you everyday.

There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love.

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There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love.

There were tears in my eyes when she walked away We had plans to get...

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There were tears in my eyes when she walked away We had plans to get...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...