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Humor is reason gone mad.

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Humor is reason gone mad.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A...

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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A...

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

I was married by a judge,I should asked for a jury

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I was married by a judge,I should asked for a jury

A black cat crossing your path signifies..

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A black cat crossing your path signifies..

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go. Cause of your butt.

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Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go. Cause of your butt.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love.

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Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love.

Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

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A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

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The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

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My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

Good news: The holidays are about family. Bad news: It has to be your own...

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Good news: The holidays are about family. Bad news: It has to be your own...

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

Do you have any books about making friends?

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Do you have any books about making friends?

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by...

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A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by...

Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be...

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Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be...