Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

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The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

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Joy, you have to start drinking again. Like life, you are very hard to take...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

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OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

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Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

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There are some things you don't want to hear. Here's something I don't want to...

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Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

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Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

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