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If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told...

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If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told...

Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree.

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Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

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Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

So many books, so little time.

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So many books, so little time.

She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

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She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

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My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

What is Father Christmas' wife called ? Mary Christmas!

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What is Father Christmas' wife called ? Mary Christmas!

No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

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No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

There's more to life than beer, but who cares

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There's more to life than beer, but who cares

Joseph: "I'm going to buy them Christmas turkey". Albert: "Buy? Do you really mean buy?"...

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Joseph:

Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

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Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

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It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return...

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If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return...

New Year New Girlfriend New Problems.

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New Year New Girlfriend New Problems.

You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it,...

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You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it,...

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.

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If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.