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Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree.

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Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree.

If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told...

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If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told...

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

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Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

Strangers think I'm quiet. My friends think I'm out-going. My bestfriends know that I'm completely...

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Strangers think I'm quiet. My friends think I'm out-going. My bestfriends know that I'm completely...

In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

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In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

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When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

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Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Christmas is not the time for regrets. That's what anniversaries are for.

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Christmas is not the time for regrets. That's what anniversaries are for.

So many books, so little time.

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So many books, so little time.

It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

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It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

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The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.

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The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

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I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

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The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

A jealous woman does better research that the FBI.

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A jealous woman does better research that the FBI.

That's the problem with drinking, I thought as I poured myself a drink. If something...

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That's the problem with drinking, I thought as I poured myself a drink. If something...

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.