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When you're down Friends say: "If you need me, give me a call". Best friends...

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When you're down Friends say:

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

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No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

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I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

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Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say hello My first instinct...

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My first instinct when I see an animal is to say hello My first instinct...

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

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It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

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I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

What computer do you have? And please don't say a white one.

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What computer do you have? And please don't say a white one.

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

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The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you...

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Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you...

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope...

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Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope...