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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them

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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

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If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe." "If you were my wife I'd...

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If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe.

I keep myself busy with things to do but everytime I pause I still think...

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I keep myself busy with things to do but everytime I pause I still think...

There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things...

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There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things...

If he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs, send him to KFC

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If he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs, send him to KFC

If you don't treat her right, don't be mad when another guy comes along and...

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If you don't treat her right, don't be mad when another guy comes along and...

You had my heart and soul in your hand and you played it to the...

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You had my heart and soul in your hand and you played it to the...

Only the ones that hurt you, can make you feel better; only the ones that...

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Only the ones that hurt you, can make you feel better; only the ones that...

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubts separates people. It is...

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There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubts separates people. It is...

The wrong person always comes at the right time and the right person always comes...

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The wrong person always comes at the right time and the right person always comes...

I don't hate you, to be honest, I could never hate you. I just really...

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I don't hate you, to be honest, I could never hate you. I just really...

Is this seat empty? Yes and this one will be too if you sit down....

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Is this seat empty? Yes and this one will be too if you sit down....

Don't ever let a guy make you feel ugly because no matter what you're beautiful...

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Don't ever let a guy make you feel ugly because no matter what you're beautiful...

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

I think we're in a time when everyone's afraid to have sex. But I was...

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I think we're in a time when everyone's afraid to have sex. But I was...

Find someone who can make you smile and never let them go.

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Find someone who can make you smile and never let them go.