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Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

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Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

Do you have any books about making friends?

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Do you have any books about making friends?

Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

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Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

It's funny how when I'm loud people tell me to be quiet but when I'm...

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It's funny how when I'm loud people tell me to be quiet but when I'm...

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied you can exchange it...

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Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied you can exchange it...

New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

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New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered? House: Scent of a man. I realize...

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Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered? House: Scent of a man. I realize...

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg

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Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg

Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then...

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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then...

Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

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Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

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It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for...

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You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for...

Many people die at 25 and aren't buried until they are 75.

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Many people die at 25 and aren't buried until they are 75.

I love hearing old songs I used to love. They're like memories you can always...

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I love hearing old songs I used to love. They're like memories you can always...

The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream.

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The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream.