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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

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When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

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What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

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When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

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I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

Relationships nowadays = 1 male 1 female 1 hoe 1 ex trying to mess it...

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Relationships nowadays = 1 male 1 female 1 hoe 1 ex trying to mess it...

A quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet women is hatching plan

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A quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet women is hatching plan

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

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My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

A black cat crossing your path signifies..

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A black cat crossing your path signifies..

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

I'm pretty sure the whole "ladies first" when opening up a door was created by...

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I'm pretty sure the whole

Let's make a beautiful world. Happy New Year!

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Let's make a beautiful world. Happy New Year!

This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.

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This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.