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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

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Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

Christmas is not the time for regrets. That's what anniversaries are for.

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Christmas is not the time for regrets. That's what anniversaries are for.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

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Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say hello My first instinct...

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My first instinct when I see an animal is to say hello My first instinct...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

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Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

I prefer an interesting vice to a virtue that bores

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I prefer an interesting vice to a virtue that bores

He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

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He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

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It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love.

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Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love.

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

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You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

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Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

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Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

Drink more water, you skin, your hair, your mind and your body will thank you

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Drink more water, you skin, your hair, your mind and your body will thank you

It's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone...

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It's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone...