My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

What Youth deemed crystal, Age finds out was dew.

What Youth deemed crystal, Age finds out was dew.

Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor...

Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor...