I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that...

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that...

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about...

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about...

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were...

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were...

You write about what you know.

You write about what you know.

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't...

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't...

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three...

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three...