Quotes by Joan Rivers

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

#Joan Rivers

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

#Joan Rivers

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

#Joan Rivers

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

#Joan Rivers

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

#Joan Rivers

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

#Joan Rivers

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

#Joan Rivers

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

#Joan Rivers

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

#Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

#Housework

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

#Joan Rivers

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

#Joan Rivers