Quotes by Joan Rivers

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

#Joan Rivers

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

#Joan Rivers

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

#Joan Rivers

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

#Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

#Housework

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

#Joan Rivers

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

#Joan Rivers

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

#Joan Rivers

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

#Joan Rivers

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

#Ageing, #Valentines Day

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

#Being A Woman

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

#Birth Control