Quotes by Jack Handy

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much...

#Women

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've...

#Love

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of...

#Laughter

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his...

#Money

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then,...

#Money

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers...

#Money

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

#Money

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I...

#Money

And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around...

#Money

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran...

#Money

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder...

#Money

Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the...

#Books