If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus.

Quote by Jack Handy

Topics: Money Quotes

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his...

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because,...

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because,...

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into...

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into...

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much...

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much...

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the...

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the...

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole...

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole...

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around...

And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I...

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck,...

I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck,...

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND....

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND....

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so...

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so...

Look what the cat dragged in

Look what the cat dragged in

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having...

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having...

The cat lives alone, has no need of society, obeys only when she pleases, pretends...

The cat lives alone, has no need of society, obeys only when she pleases, pretends...