I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed me a lot of money.

Quote by Jack Handy

Topics: Money Quotes

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his...

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his...

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black...

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the...

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the...

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of...

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of...

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached...

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached...

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so...

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so...

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers...

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran...

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran...

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because...

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because...

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you...

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes,...

It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes,...

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I...

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I...

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden...

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden...

I say 'I'm sorry.' It usually disarms them.

I say 'I'm sorry.' It usually disarms them.

Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.

Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.