Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.

Quote by Jack Handy

Topics: Books Quotes

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again,...

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again,...

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so...

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so...

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I...

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I...

And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around...

And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around...

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black...

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black...

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it,...

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it,...

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached...

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've...

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've...

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much...

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers...

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into...

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.

The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.

Life is tragic simply because the earth turns and the sun inexorably rises and sets,...

Life is tragic simply because the earth turns and the sun inexorably rises and sets,...