And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.

Quote by Jack Handy

Topics: Money Quotes

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If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because...

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I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then,...

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I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck,...

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I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder...

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If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

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Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it,...

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To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you...

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I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole...

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole...

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If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because,...

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

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If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into...

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He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much...

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If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers...

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I've always been very bonded to animals - more so than most people. (laughs) I...

I've always been very bonded to animals - more so than most people. (laughs) I...

How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven.

How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

A camel is a horse designed by a committee