And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.

Quote by Jack Handy

Topics: Money Quotes

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden...

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden...

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I...

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I...

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND....

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND....

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in...

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran...

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran...

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder...

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder...

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again,...

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again,...

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and...

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and...

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into...

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers...

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers...

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached...

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached...

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black...

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black...

Few cross the river of time and are able to reach non-being. Most of them...

Few cross the river of time and are able to reach non-being. Most of them...

Ill see you forever For you are a part of me And I myself a...

Ill see you forever For you are a part of me And I myself a...

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace--but there...

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace--but there...