You're only as good as your last haircut.

Quote by Fran Lebowitz

Topics: Funny Quotes

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts...

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts...

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my...

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my...

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he...

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he...

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest...

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest...

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat...

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat...

There are different kinds of love, but they all have the same aim: possession

There are different kinds of love, but they all have the same aim: possession

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like...

Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like...

My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as...

My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as...

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it...

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it...

If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded...

If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded...

My favorite animal is steak.

My favorite animal is steak.

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you...

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you...

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure...

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure...