Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Quote by WC Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own...

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own...

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank...

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm...

Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm...

Weve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but dont know which way to...

Weve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but dont know which way to...

Show me where Stalin is buried and I'll show you a Communist Plot.

Show me where Stalin is buried and I'll show you a Communist Plot.

Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still Id like to express my thanks.

Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still Id like to express my thanks.

But probably every age gets, within certain limits, the science it deserves.

But probably every age gets, within certain limits, the science it deserves.

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but...

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but...

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with...

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

The writer is the Faust of modern society, the only surviving individualist in a mass...

The writer is the Faust of modern society, the only surviving individualist in a mass...

No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.

No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.

A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who...

A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who...