I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Quote by WC Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to...

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank...

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own...

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own...

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

It is easy to become a monk in one's old age.

It is easy to become a monk in one's old age.

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't...

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't...

Just at the age 'twixt boy and youth, When thought is speech, and speech is...

Just at the age 'twixt boy and youth, When thought is speech, and speech is...

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to...

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to...

An ugly baby is a very nasty object - and the prettiest is frightful.

An ugly baby is a very nasty object - and the prettiest is frightful.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Happy Leap Day. According to 30 Rock, which is an authority on these matters: anything...

Happy Leap Day. According to 30 Rock, which is an authority on these matters: anything...

Now is the age of anxiety.

Now is the age of anxiety.

You're fooling yourself if you argue with a fool - others may not know the...

You're fooling yourself if you argue with a fool - others may not know the...

Rashness belongs to youth; prudence to old age.

Rashness belongs to youth; prudence to old age.

Sex is more fun than cars but cars refuel quicker than men.

Sex is more fun than cars but cars refuel quicker than men.

Men need rule books. Women want men to intuit what they want. And only about...

Men need rule books. Women want men to intuit what they want. And only about...