When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
Quote by Bob Hope
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money.
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough
I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...
Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing...
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...
I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.
If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people
I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for...