Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

Topics: Funny Facebook Status Quotes

Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works....

Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works....

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think,...

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think,...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind...

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes...

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes...

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly...

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly...

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook.

That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook.

Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order...

Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order...

Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook ....

Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook ....

So I won't give up alcohol, boys, being judgmental or sarcasm but I'll definitely give...

So I won't give up alcohol, boys, being judgmental or sarcasm but I'll definitely give...

If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up...

If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up...

What's the difference between a hockey team and a girl from Jersey Shore? The hockey...

What's the difference between a hockey team and a girl from Jersey Shore? The hockey...

Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

Laughter is always the best medicine... unless you have diarrhea.

Laughter is always the best medicine... unless you have diarrhea.

Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what...

Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what...