I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at work just to use it.

Topics: Funny Facebook Status Quotes

Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what...

Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what...

Why am I the weird one for browsing through your pictures? You're the one who...

Why am I the weird one for browsing through your pictures? You're the one who...

I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a...

I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a...

I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they...

I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they...

Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but...

Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but...

When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talk...

When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talk...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others...

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day...

I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day...

Sex is like high school...you miss a period and you're in trouble.

Sex is like high school...you miss a period and you're in trouble.

I have a memory foam mattress...and I really hope that it doesn't remember everything.

I have a memory foam mattress...and I really hope that it doesn't remember everything.

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go...

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go...

That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in...

That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in...

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes...

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes...

This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...

This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...