The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong...

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there...

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there...

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is...

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is...

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for...

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around...

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around...

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that...

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that...

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of...

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the...

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the...

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place....

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place....

Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the patty group, which...

Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the patty group, which...

Sometimes I feel like the only person in this world that likes the first slice...

Sometimes I feel like the only person in this world that likes the first slice...

The lion is most handsome when looking for food

The lion is most handsome when looking for food