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The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized...

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized...

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of...

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of...

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and...

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and...

In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to...

Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to...

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.

Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.

Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, repent too soon,...

Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, repent too soon,...

Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and...

Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and...

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a...

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a...

There has never been an age that did not applaud the past and lament the...

There has never been an age that did not applaud the past and lament the...

If swimming is such a good way to stay in shape; Explain whales...

If swimming is such a good way to stay in shape; Explain whales...

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to...

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to...

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for...

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for...