Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Quote by Ray Romano

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sleep Quotes

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are...

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are...

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean...

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean...

If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing...

If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing...

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to...

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to...

People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello...

People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello...

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed...

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed...

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want...

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want...

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own...

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own...

I love standup and I haven't given it up.

I love standup and I haven't given it up.

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to...

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to...

77% of girls think they're ugly. 50% of girls think they're fat. 100% of society...

77% of girls think they're ugly. 50% of girls think they're fat. 100% of society...

For good and evil, man is a free creative spirit. This produces the very queer...

For good and evil, man is a free creative spirit. This produces the very queer...

Creative people are very insecure people because they don't know whether people like them or...

Creative people are very insecure people because they don't know whether people like them or...

If you see people better than you, let them be your inspiration for self improvement,...

If you see people better than you, let them be your inspiration for self improvement,...

There's too much insecurity on studio sets, with all the people standing around, whispering.

There's too much insecurity on studio sets, with all the people standing around, whispering.

It stands to the everlasting credit of science that by acting on the human mind...

It stands to the everlasting credit of science that by acting on the human mind...

Being a bully on the internet is a sign of insecurity & weakness.

Being a bully on the internet is a sign of insecurity & weakness.

She's jealous because she's afraid you'll find someone prettier, smarter, taller, skinnier, calmer, stronger, and...

She's jealous because she's afraid you'll find someone prettier, smarter, taller, skinnier, calmer, stronger, and...

The beauty of enmity is insecurity; the beauty of friendship is in security.

The beauty of enmity is insecurity; the beauty of friendship is in security.