Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Quote by Ray Romano

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sleep Quotes

I love standup and I haven't given it up.

I love standup and I haven't given it up.

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to...

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to...

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want...

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want...

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are...

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are...

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own...

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own...

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to...

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to...

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean...

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean...

People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello...

People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello...

If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing...

If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing...

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed...

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed...