I don't care how many warnings I get, I am still going to eat raw cookie dough.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Kids Quotes

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're...

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

If eating left over pizza for breakfast is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

If eating left over pizza for breakfast is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.

There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

As you know, no one over thirty years of age is afraid of tittle-tattle. I...

As you know, no one over thirty years of age is afraid of tittle-tattle. I...

A good scientist is a person with original ideas. A good engineer is a person...

A good scientist is a person with original ideas. A good engineer is a person...

Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.

Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

Believe me, that was a happy age, before the days of architects, before the days...

Believe me, that was a happy age, before the days of architects, before the days...

A truly great book should be read in youth, again in maturity and once more...

A truly great book should be read in youth, again in maturity and once more...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

My mom told me to follow my dreams, so I took a nap.

My mom told me to follow my dreams, so I took a nap.

Time to clean my room: 50% listening to music and dancing around, 49% being lazy,...

Time to clean my room: 50% listening to music and dancing around, 49% being lazy,...