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I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on...

I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on...

So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored...

So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored...

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer...

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

New opinions often appear first as jokes and fancies, then as blasphemies and treason, then...

New opinions often appear first as jokes and fancies, then as blasphemies and treason, then...

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.

I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the...

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the...

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the...

People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the...

It is always easy in life to make a joke on the serious thoughts than...

It is always easy in life to make a joke on the serious thoughts than...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into...

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a...

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at...

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at...

I make my font type bigger so it will looks like I have written more.

I make my font type bigger so it will looks like I have written more.

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well...

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well...

We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.

We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.

During a test when the teacher passes by, you cover your answers with your hand...

During a test when the teacher passes by, you cover your answers with your hand...