Ok... so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah, put your hands up for that one. This chick's pussy smelled like the Great Depression.

Quote by Nick Swardson

Topics: Nick Swardson Quotes

My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot...

My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot...

Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too - it's not grey.

Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too - it's not grey.

Dude, we were just kidding JP. Don't be mad at us!

Dude, we were just kidding JP. Don't be mad at us!

I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in...

I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in...

Let's do it'The levels I mean, not sex.

Let's do it'The levels I mean, not sex.

Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!

Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!

Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...

Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...

Uh-oh? What does that mean? High score? Is that bad? Did I break it?

Uh-oh? What does that mean? High score? Is that bad? Did I break it?

Wassup, Silver Fox? Oh, I started a fight club.

Wassup, Silver Fox? Oh, I started a fight club.

That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution, so - you're dumb.

That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution, so - you're dumb.

Fruitcup? Nice....way to go mom!

Fruitcup? Nice....way to go mom!

Hello........Cool i hope its a naked dude with a boner.

Hello........Cool i hope its a naked dude with a boner.

Do you have bathrooms here, or do i have to shit in a plant?

Do you have bathrooms here, or do i have to shit in a plant?

My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I...

My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I...

Good news from the party........Barry sucked on his first boobie!

Good news from the party........Barry sucked on his first boobie!

Oh, and I'm still gonna kill you someday.

Oh, and I'm still gonna kill you someday.

Shit's weak! Shit's weak! Wizzeak!

Shit's weak! Shit's weak! Wizzeak!

Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!

Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!

Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a...

Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a...

Dude, wanking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma...Thats legendary!

Dude, wanking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma...Thats legendary!