So, i mean, what's it like being old? It's gotta be weird, right? I mean, you saw a lotta stuff go down. World War I, World War II, the automobile, Tupac, i mean...

Quote by Nick Swardson

Topics: Nick Swardson Quotes

That's cool.....if you wanna be sober and vomit.

That's cool.....if you wanna be sober and vomit.

Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!

Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!

Can we take a shower and talk about this?

Can we take a shower and talk about this?

I have to pee out of my ass.

I have to pee out of my ass.

My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I...

My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I...

Let's do it'The levels I mean, not sex.

Let's do it'The levels I mean, not sex.

Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!

Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!

You look great Jimmy. You look amazing and your hair rocks. You look so good,...

You look great Jimmy. You look amazing and your hair rocks. You look so good,...

I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in...

I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in...

Shit's weak! Shit's weak! Wizzeak!

Shit's weak! Shit's weak! Wizzeak!

Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a...

Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a...

Ok... so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah,...

Ok... so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah,...

Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...

Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...

Dude, wanking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma...Thats legendary!

Dude, wanking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma...Thats legendary!

Yea.. but it's a fucking sweet car!

Yea.. but it's a fucking sweet car!

My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot...

My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot...

God bless you Jimmy, God bless your heart.

God bless you Jimmy, God bless your heart.

Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too - it's not grey.

Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too - it's not grey.

I moved to the Ukraine. And it was cold, and everyone had guns, and smelled...

I moved to the Ukraine. And it was cold, and everyone had guns, and smelled...

Dude, we were just kidding JP. Don't be mad at us!

Dude, we were just kidding JP. Don't be mad at us!