Quotes by Nick Swardson

Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...

#Nick Swardson

Who wants to know what Jackie Gleason's balls tasted like? Yes, Cornbread.

#Nick Swardson

Fruitcup? Nice....way to go mom!

#Nick Swardson

Hello........Cool i hope its a naked dude with a boner.

#Nick Swardson

You look great Jimmy. You look amazing and your hair rocks. You look so good,...

#Nick Swardson

Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!

#Nick Swardson

Can we take a shower and talk about this?

#Nick Swardson

God bless you Jimmy, God bless your heart.

#Nick Swardson

I moved to the Ukraine. And it was cold, and everyone had guns, and smelled...

#Nick Swardson

Oh, and I'm still gonna kill you someday.

#Nick Swardson

My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot...

#Nick Swardson

Let's do it'The levels I mean, not sex.

#Nick Swardson