I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.
Quote by Kevin Meaney
Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age.
Some people have the time but they don't have time while others have time but...
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him
I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian.
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games...
Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is...
Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in...
Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...
If the gods had intended for people to vote, they would have given us candidates
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in...
Congrats to LeBron James on his recent engagement and to his fiance who now leads...
At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look...
Crabbed age and youth cannot live together; Youth is full of pleasance, age full of...
Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you, and in this...
Win hearts, and you have hands and purses.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
I'm as pure as the driven slush.