I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.

Quote by Kevin Meaney

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

Shout out to all the people born in 1928 celebrating their 21st birthday! Happy Leap...

Shout out to all the people born in 1928 celebrating their 21st birthday! Happy Leap...

Talk is by far the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money, it...

Talk is by far the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money, it...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.

Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body....

Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It...

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It...

To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.

To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and...

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and...

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Live in danger. Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius.

Live in danger. Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius.

A good old man, sir. He will be talking. As they say, when the age...

A good old man, sir. He will be talking. As they say, when the age...

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a...

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a...

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?