I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.

Quote by Kevin Meaney

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year....

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year....

A graceful and honorable old age is the childhood of immortality.

A graceful and honorable old age is the childhood of immortality.

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who...

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who...

I feel my belief in sacrifice and struggle getting stronger. I despise the kind of...

I feel my belief in sacrifice and struggle getting stronger. I despise the kind of...

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do...

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do...

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf...

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf...

Learn to live in this world with self-respect. You should always cherish some ambition of...

Learn to live in this world with self-respect. You should always cherish some ambition of...

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.

My ideal relaxation is working on upholstry. I spend hours in junk shops buying furniture....

My ideal relaxation is working on upholstry. I spend hours in junk shops buying furniture....

That sign of old age, extolling the past at the expense of the present.

That sign of old age, extolling the past at the expense of the present.

A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks...

A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks...

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer...

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer...

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but...

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but...

Study without thought is vain: thought without study is dangerous.

Study without thought is vain: thought without study is dangerous.

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over...

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife...

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

He must be the only man alive who can eat an apple through a tennis...

He must be the only man alive who can eat an apple through a tennis...

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...