Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did this year.

Topics: Funny Quotes, New Year Quotes, New Year Resolutions Quotes, New Years Day Quotes, New Years Eve Quotes

We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work...

We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work...

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

From the moment of birth, when the stone-age baby confronts the twentieth-century mother, the baby...

From the moment of birth, when the stone-age baby confronts the twentieth-century mother, the baby...

Most of the basic material a writer works with is acquired before the age of...

Most of the basic material a writer works with is acquired before the age of...

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.

'The will of the nation' is one of those expressions which have been most profusely...

'The will of the nation' is one of those expressions which have been most profusely...

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Watch the costs and the profits will take care of themselves.

Watch the costs and the profits will take care of themselves.

In an age in which the media broadcast countless pieces of foolishness, the educated man...

In an age in which the media broadcast countless pieces of foolishness, the educated man...

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to...

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to...

The awful daring of a moment's surrender which an age of prudence can never retract.

The awful daring of a moment's surrender which an age of prudence can never retract.

He who laughs, lasts.

He who laughs, lasts.

After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of (a) book as a...

After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of (a) book as a...

Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty one is a menace...

Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty one is a menace...

Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.

Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to...

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to...

I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's...

I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife...

I will focus more on giving rather than taking.

I will focus more on giving rather than taking.

Another fresh new year is here... Another year to live! To banish worry, doubt, and...

Another fresh new year is here... Another year to live! To banish worry, doubt, and...

Today is New Years Eve and what girl doesn't want to kiss the boy that...

Today is New Years Eve and what girl doesn't want to kiss the boy that...